I've been a goody goody for as long as I can remember. when I did something wrong, all it took for me was an "Emma, you shouldn't have done that" from an adult to make me so disappointed in myself that I would cry on the spot. I could never (and still can't) handle people being disappointed in me. So, I didn't require many spankings after around age 6, and I never got grounded because just being told not to do something again was enough to make me listen.
Now, where did this fear of disobedience begin? It's my earliest memory. Let me tell you about it.
I was about 3 years old. Like I said in my post about apples, I hate fruit. Especially apples. And even more so, bananas. They are disgusting, and I cannot stand them. Banana bread, though? So good. Anyways.
Every day, my mom would let me eat a pack of off-brand fruit snacks (they don't taste like fruit, so I loved them) after I ate a piece of fruit. Sometimes it was an apple, sometimes baby carrots, and sometimes a banana. On this particular day, it was a banana.
But I didn't want to eat it. I couldn't bear to. So, I ate half of it. Then, I snuck up to my brothers' bathroom, and I threw the rest of it away in their trashcan and covered it up with crumpled up tissues.
It was the perfect crime. Even if my mom found it, she would think one of my brothers did it. She would never imagine that my innocent little self could do such a deceptively mischievous thing.
I headed downstairs and told my mom that I was finished with my banana and ready for my fruit snacks. I had pulled off my little scheme. And boy was I proud.
And yet, somehow, she found it and knew immediately that it was me. She confronted me, and I confessed through tears (at least, I think I did. It's been over a decade). Then, she grounded me from fruit snacks for what felt like an eternity. It may have only been for a couple days, but to a 3-year old, that's forever. But it made me learn my lesson.
And with that, my goody-goodyness began. It's definitely a core memory for me, a defining moment in my life.
Comments